I dont care.

growing up all I wanted was to become a teenager, and be able to stay out late with my friends and ride out in my car once I got my license. I never would have imagined that high school would be so stressful. I thought this was supposed to be fun. everyone is always in a bad mood which adds to all the stress that has already accumulated. somebody is always bitching about someone else, why can’t we all just get along. I miss being a little kid with no worries. It seems like the teachers have just started to realize how far behind they are and are piling work on us like we can handle it. I have no motivation to do anything for any class, I don’t understand when we will ever use any of this stuff again. schools don’t teach anything practical or useful, its all about random ass shit they want you to remember but will never have to use. and SATs are in two weeks which is really awesome. and mom, I think I can clean my room when I am ready, it isn’t your space so why do you care. you push me all the time to get a job and work hard in school and make sure I’m putting all my effort into sports but honestly I need a break once in a while and when everyone is on my case about every little thing it gets irritating. 

in this world I feel so small, and my problems feel so insignificant. I want to do something that is going to change somebody else’s life. I feel like all this stress from school, and parents, and boys is just so unimportant, like why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be so perfect when there is an amazing world out there and we are to bottled up within our lives to see. I can’t wait to leave for spain only 5 days. This small town is filled with small people and I just want to get out and live life, and have fun with all of my friends. I want to get away from all of these problems and just see what this world really has to offer and not spend all my time worrying about things that don’t even matter. 

goodnight everyone <3

I really love my life, but looking at pictures from freshmen year, and how every picture is of us 4. we probably spent 90% of that summer together and I miss it so much. between tubing and making barbies into cheerleaders. spending weeks at a time at each others houses. having cheering in the morning, and then going to the camp to hangout all day. I miss those days, and I miss us all hanging out together. completely sober, completely real with each other. It seems like we will never do that again…

so my mother has been on weight watchers for a while and at first I thought it would be good,  I mean I wont be tempted to eat junk if it isn’t in the house… but its been like a couple weeks and I am going to die. she ate lettuce with peanut butter on it today, because bread has carbs and too many ‘points’. she is trying to kill me.

it amazes me the order your priorities fall in

love losing weight. 6 pounds downnnn

you’d think your mom would be there for you for anything, but nope. mine calls me fat… what a great night.